Always the Fool
by Anjirika
Summary: Spoilers for S4E19 "47 Seconds" Both Castle and Beckett have to deal with the fallout of her inadvertent confession about her memory. Castle believes that he's been a fool, but to his surprise, so does Kate. Written before the episode aired. Please R&R!


Disclaimer: I do not own Castle; that pleasure goes to ABC & Andrew Marlowe.

_Author's Note: I saw the promo for "47 seconds" and the plot bunnies exploded. The next episode of Castle is bound to be freaking awesome and I cannot wait for it! Please leave a review for this to let me know what ya think! _

**Always the Fool**

"I'm a fool," Castle said at last. He hadn't known what to say for a very long time after he had heard Kate's confession that she remembered in the interrogation room. He could barely look at her. He felt so betrayed. And worst than that, he hated how he had found out. He knew that she hadn't known that he had been behind the glass, but he felt that she should have known; after working with him for four years Kate should have know that when he's not in the interrogation room with her, he's always behind the glass.

"No Rick," she apologized softly, almost trembling at his anger and his hurt. She hadn't meant to blurt out that she remembered, she hadn't meant for him to hear but he had and Richard Castle, the writer that had been following her around for years was beyond mad. She could feel his emotions rolling off him in waves and she was trying to do everything that she could to make things right.

"Yes," he snapped as he looked at her with cold eyes. "I am. I told you that I loved you and you lied to me. I was scared beyond belief when you were shot and I was so relieved when you pulled through. Then you pushed me away— when you remembered!"

"I was dealing with a lot Castle," she retorted. "You can't blame me."

"Maybe I can't, or maybe I can." Castle said with a heavy heart as he sat down on the park bench. An open place was the last location that he would have picked for their little chat, but Kate had tracked him down and practically forced a conversation to start. "You have no idea how much you hurt me Kate," he continued in an angry voice that was laced with disappointment and sadness. "The cold look in your eyes when I came with flowers—"

"I've already said that I'm sorry," Kate interjected. "What more do you want?"

Castle looked up and stared at her straight in the eyes. "I want you to tell me why you did it," he told her point blank. "And I want you to tell me why I shouldn't march out the proverbial door and leave you the well enough alone."

Panic gripped Kate as he spoke. She had, in the early days of their working relationship, wanted him to go away and get back to his writing. But that was then, and this was now. The thought of him leaving her left her dumbstruck.

"Well?" he asked again, noticing her silence.

Kate, not knowing what else to say just shook her head and shrugged her shoulders slightly. She was trying to convey that she didn't have a good enough explanation but Castle took it another way.

"Fine then," he said in a bitter tone. "I'll just go."

He stood up and was only a few feet away when Kate blurted out; "I love you."

Her words shocked the two of them. Kate knew that it was very out of character thing to say however she also knew that she and Castle were at a crossroads. If she had let him leave the park without her, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she would probably never see him again. Kate couldn't take such a risk. So she was honest with him for the first time.

Castle for his part was utterly shocked and stood there unmoving as she rose to stand behind him. "I love you," she repeated slowly and softer. "I don't know when it happened Castle, but it did and when you said those words to me— I could barely process them. I thought that I was dying and internally cursing you for waiting for such a horrible moment and hating myself for not having the strength to say it back.

And I was dealing with the death of Montgomery, and all the new information about my mother's murder. When I woke up I couldn't handle everything and I couldn't bare to face you or tell you that I felt the same because in my mind I had convinced myself that you only said it because I was dying and not…"

Kate paused, her voice breaking. "…and not because you actually felt it."

The tone in her voice caused Castle to turn around and when he did he was surprised to see tears in her eyes. Without even really thinking about what he was doing, Castle brought his arms around Kate and pulled her into a comforting hug. The two of them just stood there in the park as the sun fell. Neither moved nor spoke for several minutes but then Castle did.

"I'm a fool," he said again only this time it was without the bitterness or the hurt that he had been feeling before. "How did I not realize?"

"Sorry?" Kate asked as she took at step back, Castle's comforting arms dropping to his sides as she did so.

"I'm the one who spins stories," he explained carefully. "I should have realized the conflict that you were going through, but I was such a fool who was too wrapped up in my own issues to even puzzle you out."

Kate shook her head. "You're not a fool," she told him honestly. "I am, for not telling you sooner… you must hate me now."

"Kate," he exclaimed as he reached out and took her hand. "I could never, ever hate you."

"Well you certainly don't love me anymore…"

"Of course I do," he promised earnestly. "I do love you Kate. I have for a while now, before you got shot."

"Then why did you wait until that moment?" Kate asked, mentally taking note of their joined hands and feeling really comforted by it.

"Because I was terrified," he explained in a deathly quiet voice. "I thought that it might keep you with me… and if it didn't well… I wouldn't have been able to bear it if I had lost you without telling you how I really felt."

Kate allowed a small smile to pass across her face. "I know the feeling."

"Huh?" Castle asked feeling confused.

"After that kiss," she told him knowing that he needed no further explanation. "I was going to tell you… but I lost my nerve. I am sorry for that," she apologized. "I've been such a fool."

"I think we both have," Castle agreed as he pulled her face towards his with his free hand and before she could say anything Castle captured her lips with her own. It was a lot softer than the kiss they had experienced the year before, but it held the underlying current that they both remembered. More than that though, they both knew that despite being fools in the past, they were going to ensure that they did not engage in any foolish behaviour from that moment on.

END

_Author's Note 2: I know that this is NOT going to happen. It wouldn't be much of a five/six episode arc if they didn't have major drama between our favourite couple, but one can always hope that they resolve it in this fashion! Fingers crossed for the actual episode nineteen eh? Please review!_


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